The other day my daughter asked me if God created men to be the leaders in their homes.
This came up because her boyfriend feels strongly that a man’s responsibility is to lead his family by providing and protecting. “It is God’s way.” Or so he has been taught his whole life at home and in our traditional Bible church.
He is not alone in believing this, and, in fact, up until a year ago I would have heartily agreed with him.
But I cannot ignore the rotting fruit all around me in homes that practice all “the things” that go along with this teaching—the things taught in our ladies’ meetings; the things taught to our men from the pulpit; the things taught to our young people in youth group and GAP programs.
I wrote the following to address whether or not his idea that men are uniquely called to lead their homes is actually from God or misconstrued from Paul’s letter to the Ephesian church.
Is it possible what we’ve been taught in favor of male and female roles wasn’t what Paul meant at all? Is to possible he was not writing to teach us how to be more role oriented, but actually to do the opposite: to turn the world they knew upside down in favor of His Kingdom Come here on earth?
In Ephesians 5:23, Paul uses the phrase “head of the wife as Christ is head of the church.”
Many people assume headship has to do with authority. This comes from all they’ve been taught about the idea of the “head” of something. Head of household. Head of a corporation. Head of a department. And in fairness, head commonly connotes to “hold authority over”, “supervise, or “be the boss of”, according to the Cambridge Dictionary.
And so authority becomes the assumed meaning of this passage. It seems obvious Christ’s “headship over the church” conveys that “the church is meant to obey Christ as He leads”. Therefore, in the marital relationship, Paul is teaching the wife is to “obey the husband as he leads”.
But is this true? Is this what Paul was getting at?
If so, would we not see Paul emphasizing obedience to authority as modeled by the church’s obedience to Christ? But if he doesn’t do this, then we have reason to question this as Paul’s point in Ephesians 5.
To answer this question, I look to the whole of Ephesians to understand Paul’s use of head. Does Paul use “head” to mean that Christ is “leader meant to be obeyed”? Or might there be a different idea he was trying to convey?
Does Paul use “head” to mean that Christ is “leader meant to be obeyed”? Or might there be a different idea he was trying to convey?
Before we look at “head”, let’s look at the the word “subject” in Ephesians 5:24. Paul writes: “Therefore, just as the church is subject to Christ, so let the wives be to their own husbands in everything.”
This seems to have to do with obedience to her husband. “Subject” is the Greek word “hypotasso”. It is the Strong’s number g5293, if you care to look it up and see how it is translated throughout the New Testament. It means “to put oneself under, be subject to, submit to.” It is used 32 times in the New Testament.
How is this idea of “subject” related to “head”?
Ephesians 1:22-23 gives us a clue as to how Paul connected “hypotasso” and the idea of headship. (I will use “hypotasso” in place of “subject,” if you will permit me to use the Greek word directly.)
“And He (God) hypotasso’d all things under His (Jesus’s) feet, and gave Him to be head over all things to the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.”
So we see here that God is putting all things under Jesus’ feet. He hypotasso’d everything under Christ. That means Christ is above all things.
Now, I noticed here that Jesus’ feet are the lowest part of His body, right? That would mean that the rest of His body is ABOVE all things put under His feet, no?
Now remember, Paul calls the church “His body” (v.23). If we are His body, and all things are put under “His feet”, then are not all of those things also put beneath us?
And would this not mean that Paul is teaching here that Christ has elevated us to be as He is—one with Him—and all things also, therefore, subject to us? All things hypotasso’d to us?
Is this not the redemption of the creation mandate God originally gave to humankind in Genesis 1:28—“Be fruitful and multiply; fill the earth and subdue it; have dominion over the fish of the sea, over the birds of the air, and over every living thing that moves on the earth”?
Do we not see that Paul has just taught that humans who are IN CHRIST have been redeemed to their original place of ruling WITH GOD over all HE CREATED? In so doing, He has made us what we were always intended to be. And He did this by UNITING us with HIMSELF, as the HEAD is united to the BODY?
Think about this for a minute and its implications for what it means to rule as God originally created humankind to do before the fall.
Selah. (That means, stop, think, ponder before moving on.)
You were made to rule with God over all He made. And now in Christ, you are restored IN HIM to rule over all He made WITH HIM AGAIN.
You were made to rule with God over all He made. And now in Christ, you are restored IN HIM to rule over all He made WITH HIM AGAIN.
Let’s continue:
I also wonder that Paul writes: “He put all things under His feet, and gave Him to be head over all things TO the church, which is His body, the fullness of Him who fills all in all.”
Note Paul DOES NOT SAY “head OVER the church”, but “head over all things TO the church.” And then He calls the church “His body, the FULLNESS OF HIM who fills all in all.”
Ponder that for a moment. What does it mean that we, as the church, ARE the FULLNESS OF HIM WHO FILLS ALL IN ALL?
Selah. Stop. Think. Ponder.
He seems to be calling us His actual body, filled completely with Himself. Does this not give us vibes of being ONE with Him truly and completely?
Is this not a completely incredible idea that we are UNITED with our God as the FULLNESS OF HIM WHO FILLS ALL IN ALL? What else would the FULLNESS OF HIM be other than His fullness, filling us, as HIMSELF, one with Himself? (Some day I’d like to explore the opposite of idea in Philippians 2 that Christ “made Himself empty”.)
Is this not a completely incredible idea that we are united with our God as the FULLNESS OF HIM WHO FILLS ALL IN ALL? What else would the FULLNESS OF HIM be other than His fullness filling us as HIMSELF, one with Himself?
But I digress…continuing on in thought: if we are ONE WITH HIM, does that not mean He has ELEVATED us from our state of sinful alienation from God to be unite-able and, indeed, united with Himself through His life, death and resurrection?
And indeed, that is exactly what Paul was praying the Ephesian church members would fully come to understand, when he says starting in verse 18:
“…the eyes of your understanding being enlightened; that you may know what is the HOPE OF HIS CALLING, what are the RICHES OF THE GLORY OF HIS INHERITANCE IN THE SAINTS, and what is the EXCEEDING GREATNESS OF HIS POWER TOWARD US WHO BELIEVE, according to the working of His mighty POWER which He worked in Christ when He RAISED HIM from the dead and SEATED HIM at His right hand in the HEAVENLY PLACES…”
Is Paul not getting at the idea that the same power that raised Christ from the dead and seated Him far above all else IN THE HEAVENLY PLACES is also AT WORK IN US, as we now have been made “His body” (v.23) and are also raised up WITH HIM far above “all things”?
Indeed, this must be his point because of what he goes on to say in Ephesians 2. He writes that we have been “made alive who were once dead in our sins”.
I ask: why were we dead? Because we were NOT IN Him—Jesus—in whom IS life. We were NOT UNITED to Him. And as a result of that, we walked in all sorts of “trespasses and sins” that lead to death, in the “lusts of our flesh”, and were “by nature children of wrath”.
But God made us “alive”, and not just “alive” in ourselves. No. We cannot have life unless it is “IN CHRIST”, and so Paul tells us He made us “alive TOGETHER WITH CHRIST…and RAISED US UP TOGETHER, and MADE US SIT TOGETHER in the heavenly places IN CHRIST”. (Notice all the “togethers”.)
Do you see? We are SEATED WITH HIM in the RAISED UP PLACE of the HEAVENLY PLACES! And how is this pictured? It is pictured as us inseparable from Jesus, just as a body is inseparable from a head. We are HIS BODY. He is OUR HEAD. They are inseparable and fully in UNION together.
Do you see? We are SEATED WITH HIM in the RAISED UP PLACE of the HEAVENLY PLACES! And how is this pictured? It is pictured as us inseparable from Jesus, just as a body is inseparable from a head. We are HIS BODY. He is OUR HEAD. They are inseparable and fully in UNION together.
Ok, now, where else does Paul talk about the “head”?
We see that Paul teaches later in Ephesians 4 that spiritual gifts are for the WHOLE BODY to GROW UP into the FULLNESS of HIM WHO IS THE HEAD—CHRIST.
He says that these gifts have been given “…for the equipping of the saints for the work of ministry, for the edifying of the BODY OF CHRIST, till we all come to the UNITY of the faith and of the KNOWLEDGE of the Son of God, to a PERFECT MAN, to the measure of the STATURE of the FULLNESS OF CHRIST… [so that we] may grow up in ALL THINGS into HIM WHO IS THE HEAD—Christ—from whom the WHOLE BODY…causes growth of the body for the edifying of itself in love.”
The BODY grows FROM THE HEAD into its fullness of what it is meant to be. We are made to “GROW UP IN ALL THINGS”. Is this not Him desiring for us to grow up into the maturity that He desires for us all—to partake fully of His fullness?
It seems to me Paul is after the same idea again and again. He wants us to understand that JUST AS CHRIST IS in all His FULLNESS, so WE ARE TO LIVE as His BODY connected TO HIM in UNITY with the HEAD IN ALL HIS SAME FULLNESS.
JUST AS CHRIST IS in all His FULLNESS, so WE ARE TO LIVE as His BODY connected TO HIM in UNITY with the HEAD IN ALL HIS SAME FULLNESS.
This is not Paul teaching the church they “better obey Christ”. No, it is so much more than this. It is that you are literally IN CHRIST. You are so close to Him as to actually be called “HIS BODY”. This is about UNION WITH CHRIST and all that entails.
It is in that union that we live “no longer as the Gentiles walk, in the futility of their mind…understanding darkened…alienated from the life of God…in blindness of heart…past feeling…given to lewdness…uncleanness with greediness…but you…put on the new man which was created according to God, in true righteousness and holiness.”
Paul continues through the rest of the chapter to focus on what those truly in union with Christ as a whole body would be like. Read it all from Ephesians 4:17 all the way through Ephesians 5:21. It’s beautiful!
And in Ephesians 5:21, he brings it to a culmination of how we are to live as those “hypotassoing in love”—“wives to their own husbands” in the same way that she “hypostassos” to Christ, who is her head from whom comes her life, Jesus as her Savior.
This is the beginning of Paul’s examples of how this submission within the Body of Christ looks, and he pictures a marital relationship first. (And he speaks directly to the wife, which was unheard of in ancient literature. Don’t miss the nuances Paul’s hearers would not have missed.)
Remember, marriage was so, so different than it is today in Roman Ephesus. Women were not their own. They only existed under the authority of a man. And so, as we finally come to our famous passage used most often to tell women that the man is the leader and the woman is the follower, let us read with the understanding of what Paul has heretofore written and been teaching about union.
The Roman culture marital union was not a place where women had any personhood. She only existed insofar as a man needed her for work and childbearing. And other women in the temples existed for sexual gratification of men. Women weren’t loved. They already had no choice but to submit. And men held all the power to do whatever they pleased—fathers AND husbands, and men, in general.
(All that Paul will say here would have turned the men’s worlds upside down. And everyone listening to this letter being read out loud in the church would have been stunned by Paul’s words. Try to read it like they would have heard it.)
Paul is telling these women (with no choice but to submit) that their submission was being changed in Christian marriage to picture a body that is fully united to the head, in UNITY and KINDNESS and MUTUAL NECESSITY for the GOOD OF THE WHOLE BODY. Paul is elevating her status FAR ABOVE what it was into a whole new realm. He is seating this woman into the SAME STATUS of her husband as he pictures her submission. It is “as to the Lord”. It is no longer “as to your husband”. It is a new day dawning for Christian women in a loving Christian marriage.
Paul is telling these women…that their submission was being changed in Christian marriage to picture a body that is fully united to the head, in UNITY and KINDNESS and MUTUAL NECESSITY for the GOOD OF THE WHOLE BODY. Paul is elevating her status FAR ABOVE what it was into a whole new realm…into the SAME STATUS of her husband….
And then to the men, he tells them how, as the head from whom all things proceeded in that culture (unlike today, where women have the same rights as men), the man is to RAISE HIS WIFE UP to HIS OWN STATUS, just as Christ has raised the church up to be seated WITH HIM IN THE HEAVENLIES.
He is to LOVE HER, “just as Christ loved the church and gave Himself for her”. He is to LOVE HIS OWN WIFE AS HIS OWN BODY.
Do you see the consistency with all Paul has told us about the Church (His body) being one with Christ (the head)? The husband is to see his wife as ONE WITH HIMSELF in the same way. They are in unity.
She is not to be hated or despised or used. But she is to be NOURISHED and CHERISHED, just like a man nourishes and cherishes his own flesh.
And then in v. 31, Paul completes his thought by quoting the Genesis verse of how a man and his wife are joined as ONE FLESH. And then in v. 32 he, again, restates that he is really speaking of the one flesh union of the church with Christ as the Body/Head union. And then in v. 33 gets back to how the husband and wife living out this union will treat each other with reverence and love.
It is so much more consistent to see all of Paul’s thoughts in Ephesians having to do with UNION, NOT POWER OF ONE OVER THE OTHER. There’s no preeminence.
It is so much more consistent to see all of Paul’s thoughts in Ephesians having to do with UNION, NOT POWER OF ONE OVER THE OTHER.
Had Paul wanted to teach that, he would have come right out and said so. He would have written all about how Christ is meant to be obeyed as the supreme God and you church members need to stop behaving sinfully, as Christ is quite upset about it after dying for you. You just need to get in line and obey since He is your leader.
But nope. He is speaking about our inheritance IN HIM.
Count all the times Paul uses the phrase “IN HIM”, “IN CHRIST”, “IN HIMSELF”, “IN WHOM”, or the like. The idea of unity should show up, if I’m right. And it does…look up the words unity, one, together, near in the whole Ephesian letter.
How about the word “obey”? If Paul were concerned about obedience and submission as a model of family and church life, would he not have been writing all about that throughout the letter, culminating in a teaching of men to lead and wives to obey?
Let’s see where he speaks of obedience: he uses the word “obey” once, and it is in regards to children obeying their parents…IN THE LORD. And so, just like Paul changed the way women submit, he is doing the same parallel thing in that passage, too. He calls children to have a spirit of “hypotasso” to their parents in line with union in the Lord with them.
The children and the parents are all part of the body of Christ, in union together with Him. (As are the Christian slaves in the household being written to in Ephesians 6.)
Children already obeyed…but it was not “in love” or “in the Lord”. It was most often in fear of what parents (really fathers) would do to them if they didn’t. Now Paul gives children the same different view of obedience being “in the Lord” as union with them as part of the same body of Christ.
As a side note, he also elevates the MOTHERS to be equal parents with the FATHERS since children are taught to obey BOTH. (And as for that obedience: its whole purpose was that parents truly know more than their children until their children are old enough to know on their own. Following their parents’ teaching is how they learn what is good and right, as long as the parents are loving Christ-following parents who are wise in the love and life of God.)
So, in summary, the idea of headship has very little to do with leadership. In fact, nowhere in this passage are men commanded to lead. Rather, Paul’s line of thinking is to give households the idea of the head/body union.
Men held the power in their households (which were much larger than today’s nuclear families), and they were used to being the top dog. So the man is called the “head”.
And then he is told to treat his wife the same way that Christ treats the church—HE IS TO RAISE HER UP TO HIS SAME STATUS AND THINK OF HER AS HIS VERY OWN SELF. This is JUST THE SAME AS CHRIST HAS ELEVATED THE CHURCH to be in UNION WITH HIMSELF.
This is astounding. MEDITATE ON IT.
SELAH.
HE IS TO RAISE HER UP TO HIS SAME STATUS AND THINK OF HER AS HIS VERY OWN SELF. This is JUST THE SAME AS CHRIST HAS ELEVATED THE CHURCH to be in UNION WITH HIMSELF.